This time, it's important - concerning the fictions of my last post

It has seemed to me, that at least two people found by last post disturbing. From now on, I will try to be clear on when a work is fictitious or not by adding a Fictitious tag at the beginning. I am sorry for anyone who were hurt by the last post.

Fictitious- An important post, for me, in nine hundred eleven words.

I was working on a project when I thought back to a mistake I made on Friday. I made a mistake that has been haunting me for the last couple of days, that has slowly lead to my slow demise into madness, if it was not for this blog. I am still trying to figure out what I did wrong, or if it was me who made the mistake in the first place. But this all ties in to ancient history from the first day of my middle school, sitting there on the steps of my old elementary school, waiting for the bus. And it was this big mistake that made me start my blog, with my first, rather emotional topic.

This is not a follow up to that post. This is my apology, for the person victimized by my mistakes. But I pose a question to you, Do those first moments of meeting a person for the first time really decide how you are going to act towards them years later, when they try to restart, to build something greater than any one person can hold?

You claimed to have suffered from anxiety in the past, but the emotions I have felt over the last days have trumped anything ever felt by a human being before. I know emotion, I know how hard it can hurt, but even then, it rips your mind apart, leaving you a husk of what you once were. I know, I am still struggling to hang on to what little I have left, of my sanity, of my mind, of me.

A psychologist would call this post-traumatic stress, but I would ask him/her, where was my trauma? I would say, the only person who can know my mind is me, because my mind is radically different than any other I've seen. Everyone is different, everyone has a weak point, something that if exposed, tears them to pieces. I pretend to be the steel fortress, impenetrable. That is a lie.

We all try to be someone we aren't, and for me, that person I try most to be, is human. Just for once. One instant. But mistakes are made, and that dream is crushed forever. That dream that burns a hole in your mind, that dream you feel so close to attaining, but you know you have so far to fall. I have fallen off my ladder, and then fallen farther.

This is when a psychologist would call me just mad. Nothing compares to the madness of one's own mind, when that person knows there is no return. Almost no return. That is what this is. This is the truth, not disguised by cleverly placed words, or by political footing. This is what binds my mind to the ground, this sad, sad truth.

I know there is no train waiting to take me away, I missed the last one. I now know the truth, I know who I am, and how that differs from who I want to be, and how that differs from what you want me to become. I am that man in the corner, who ignores everyone, and who is ignored by everyone. And when that man does something bold, Everyone pushes him down again.

And I see the problems with our world. And I see now the solutions. Those people in those corners, they are the keys. I am in the corner, the forever pit. The place called by many as the location of the souls of the damned. But I see an exit, not for those with me, but for those souls who have no escape from the pit of Tartarus. This gate of souls, only the worthy and the bold can pass through.

I cannot. Not yet. I am not bold, I am not courageous, I am not strong, I am not smart. I am better. It is that which keeps me bound here, chained to a rock for the birds to eat, because I gave fire. Fire they no longer have. Fire I no longer have.

And now I ask one thing of the person this post is written for. You know who you are, because I have identified myself, and you, clearer than the air that we breathe. We are only human, we make mistakes, and mistakes make us. What I ask, is a way out of this fog, a way into the clear. A way for me to be both the man I want to be, and the man who you want me to be. And I will always be there, to catch you when you fall, as I have done so much. There is nothing else I can say. Will you accept this? Will you accept my apology for being only human? Thank you for all that you have given me. Thank you for all I have given you. I am truly, truly sorry.

And now I am nothing more than a breeze, carried on the wind, a second class citizen. But maybe one day, I'll find that train. Until then, I hope these kind words, and the emotions given in them will help, because they have helped me. The emotions, the truth can destroy, but I want it to build. I want it to build us a castle upon a hill, where I can watch the world, and be watched by the world. But now, I run short on time. Sorry.

          –Adrian Wyllie, The Writer

Why do we create cities?

To start this post off, I am going to give my answer to last week's question: Why do people want to be seen as who they want to be? My answer is that people think that if they can look better, others will think that they do look better. That's rather mind bogglingly simple.
My family planned a hike today,  and I thought, why do we build these cities, and then crave for the outdoors we got rid of? Humans build cities, but some of us want to see what it looked like before the introduction of man, we want to see the natural landscape, to feel it. So why do we create cities in the first place? Why do we not live simple lives, like the native americans do? We build skyscrapers, space shuttles, and there are some of us who would want to live their entire lives in a forest.
That's a pretty short question, so this blog post will be pretty short. I also want to address an issue I have been having. Last night, I updated to OSX Yosemite (My family can't think of a proper way to pronounce that), and I found it annoying that they moved the fullscreen button on apps to the left side of the app window, when it used to be on the right. I want to know how to change this, because I find it annoying. Thank you for any feedback (or lack of, if you have no input)!

The way we all look: Human

I am going to start off this blog post with my answer to the question asked in the previous post: What if everyone would stop being so rude? My answer, of which you all have a right to disagree with, is "Odi et Amo". This little latin phrase translates to "I hate and I love (you)". I see this as a good answer, that if people were not disrespectful to everyone else, there would be no love, no happiness in our society. Now onto this post's question.
I was looking through my friend list on facebook, when I noticed how people tend to choose the picture of themselves that they think looks the best. Why do people want to be seen as they look after many layers of makeup, when the face that people fall in love with is not tainted by any paints or colours? I see people as who they want to be, not who they are, and many of those people will never be that dream person. So they throw up an act, a face that represents that dream.
I, myself have done this, just look at my background image on my facebook profile. I present a completely different side of me then what you would see were you to meet me. But even in meeting me, you still see a dream form of myself. I say this not because of how I dress out, but by how I act. I act like I am above. I am not.
I am just another guy, who has all these faces, and many more. But why do I want to be represented by these faces? I think it is because I want to escape who I am. I want to be the one to do something big, when I am hiding my biggest success. I hide myself. And every day, people see me as this man who acts smart, but like a fool. And every day, they miss out on the true me, the one I now think everyone should see.
I will take a while to get rid of my pretense, but I need to do it, I need to be seen as who I am, not as who I wanted to be. We all need to gain confidence in ourselves, the confidence only you can give yourself. The confidence to be who you were born to be.
But that's what I think. What do YOU think?

Hate: it's correlation to Love

I was listening to one of my dad's playlists on shuffle mode, when I had a weird thought:
What if everyone would stop being so rude to everyone else? I try my hardest not to be rude, to push, to order, or to control. But I can't help feeling like every second of my life I break that idea. Someone is hurt, offended by something I do. And in a way I am hurt by their being hurt.
Emotions are complicated, and they are strong. Very strong. There comes a point in which you no longer think about what you should do, and start to just do things. You destroy those around you. You do what you will later regret.
So, as I thought about this some more, I realized that I have done so much to hold to my standards, but instead of trying to prevent the harm, I made the sword hit harder. And now I realize that I have not only made it hit harder, but faster. I make more mistakes, and more people are harmed. And I hate myself because of that. So I reach the point where I am rude to everyone, because I am angry at myself.
And this is how emotions work. It hurts. But I know one thing now, from just writing this post: What makes you emotional makes you human. Hate is nothing more than love in disguise. and so, with full sincerity, I must apologize for all the harm I have caused and will cause, not just for everyone, but most importantly, to myself.
Maybe this will change how I act in the future, but the one thing about the future that we know to be true is that it can never be predicted perfectly. We have all lost so much, and gained much, and we will continue to do so, whether that comes at the suffering of others. It's what makes us human. It's what makes us everything we are, it is what lets us see clearly in the fog of modern societies.
Trust your emotions: They are you, and you are them.

The Random Blog

This blogpost marks the first day of the existence of this blog. Here is what it is all about:
This blog will be where I dump anything I want, from how I am feeling to my personal opinions. IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ANYTHING I SAY, We all have differing opinions. We are all different people.
I think that a blog is a great idea, and I wonder why so little of the world's internet population use or read them. That's why I started this blog, to encourage other people to do the same, even if they want to disagree with everything everyone else has said.
I find that using a blog as a method of communication is very effective, because the conversation is not limited by time or character limits. It is also free to create a blogger account, and somewhat easy to use.
Now to my reasons for blogging. I am the kind of person who has either the opinion to stay neutral in an argument or take strong sides. I see the world in a different light than anyone else, and I want people to know how I feel about the world, even if they disagree.
Feel free to leave a comment, I probably will read them... probably. I would like to know how I can improve as a writer and a person through this blog, and I hope you all take away the same things from here as well.
I will be posting whatever and whenever I feel like, but I feel that trying to do a daily blog will be a good idea. I hope that the posts here both help us all, and change the way we look at things.